When a catastrophic event takes place in the world, we unite. We come together through social media, financial funding, words of encouragement, of protection and of compassion. Yet, when it comes to the healing of the individual we tend to neglect the idea that we need to heal the mind, body and spirit.
With that said, when healing from catastrophic events, it takes time—but rather than seeing it as an endless bounty of time, the notion that it’s not so much about the destination than it is the journey can be critical in one’s recovery. Too, knowing and accepting that it may take the rest of our lives, and that’s okay.
In my experience, I’ve continued down a path of openness and being vulnerable in my journey of healing and recovery. I was the conductor of my own train that was headed to the far off beaten tracks, so I knew I was the only one in control of being able to stop the train from going any further off the tracks.
First off, I had to recognize that there was an issue with the life I was living, that my life had unraveled and become unmanageable. I had no coping skills and I barely knew what those words even meant. At the time I didn’t have the support networks like I do today, so, when I first admitted to myself I had a dependency on drugs and alcohol, I couldn’t comprehend how it got so bad so quick.
To make matters worse, I complicated the shit out of the process, and subsequently relapsed multiple times. I’ve grown to understand that I don't need to know how it got so bad, so quick-- the issue was that it happened, I had a few choices and I chose this life; and I've landed here in this journey we call life, so realistically what am I going to do about it now anyways? So, I continued. Why was I doing this to myself?, Why would I slowly die by investing my future in Cocaine and Whiskey? I fully believed, at that time, that was my only option. That I'd slipped through the cracks of society. I was weighing less than 100 lbs. and living in a parking garage in my 1992 Honda. This is what my disease allowed me to believe I deserved, and nothing more.
Healing and recovery were the furthest things from my mind. I was fixated on how I would stay at a constant level of "highness".
Throughout my healing and recovery journey I have tried a multitude of different approaches to healing and recovery. I went to 100, 12 step meetings in my first 90 days of recovery, back in 2010. It was necessary for my "Healing Development." I engaged in conversations about the disease of addiction and alcoholism, and how the solutions worked in others lives. Through the trauma that I've experienced, I've had to realize that’s it’s a bit of a revealing process. I don't tell too many people the entire trauma story or the hurt and pain I've experienced. Even still to this day, I have things in my heart that I can't say out loud yet. And thats okay.
It’s a trust thing. I'm as vulnerable as I've ever been, and as fearful as it is. I'm the most satisfied in my life's journey as I've ever been. That doesn't mean to say I'm going to settle because I've found some sort of healing and recovery Zen. I heal daily with the current resources and support system. I have full knowledge and belief that my resources and support will change, and for me its about the healing journey with what and who is currently in my "trust tree". Im forever grateful to have found healing and recovery, as I know the oath and outcomes could have been much different.
Healing comes in all shapes, forms, and times. A few weeks ago, I had the honour of attending a wellness retreat in Bancroft, Ontario. With it's holistic approach to healing, i was open to it, but still slightly apprehensive as I had very little knowledge about holistic healing. After about an hour my nerves settled down, and for 3 days i transformed. I met some amazing humans that I will never forget. The experience was something out of a movie. Equine therapy, water therepy( SUP boarding) and an entire natural spa, to name a few of the services they offer and help hundreds each year. I was humbled to even be on the land, as it is very sacred in history. I can wholeheartedly confirm I will be returning in the near future. The wonderful experience mixed with the incredible humans at Grail Springs Wellness, has given me opportunities to grow and heal. And they want me to be the first Male ambassador for them, so that's pretty amazing as well.
All in all, healing is individualistic. Its not a race, its at your own pace. There is no time limit for grief, and anyone who tells you there is, hasn't experienced it. In saying that, we heal as a team, or we will fail as individual's. Our journeys may be different, but we can love, support and encourage each other to a better life.
"Collaboration is more for just businesses. Its for humans to heal."
#MuchLove
Paulie O'Byrne
